4960.

4960.

that’s our old address. old. old residence. the old house. our first home. as in past tense. it’s no longer ours. it’s someone else’s home now. and as happy as i am to move on. to move forward. to make new memories. i can’t help but to hurt and ache just a little. ok. a lot. as i turned the key on the deadbolt one last time, tears filled my eyes. ok. flooded my eyes. and the last 8 years came rushing back as though it were only yesterday.

dear old house,

i hope you are loved as much as we loved you. i hope you capture many new moments and milestones for a new family. you were so very good at that. you captured a boy and a girl. you captured them falling in love. you captured that love turning into an engagement. and then one day you sent me off to a church where i stood before god and family and became that boy’s wife. you threw a ton of curve balls at us, too. like the great flood of 2008. house, you held my new marriage together like glue as we put you back together piece by piece. that was a long 6 months, house. you have been painted and filled with nail holes more times than i can count. thank you for always tolerating my creativity and ocd-ism’s. i only wanted you to look your best, house. and house, thank you for being the home in which we brought two little souls to. for letting us raise our family with your help. thank you for capturing my babies milestones. first steps. first words. midnight feedings. also, house, thank you for tolerating the mess. dropped food. dripping sippy cups. and more burned meals filled you with smoke than i want to talk about. thank you for everything, house. thank you for comforting late-night flu bugs and calming the thunderstorm jitters. thank you for being warm, cozy and welcoming. house, you are filled wall to wall with laughter. and not just run-of-the-mill laughter. i’m talking side splitting amazing laughter. the kind that comes from your gut. the kind that leaves you sore for days. many fire-pit and wine nights, chili cook-off’s, and get together’s were had with you. what amazing moments and stories you hold from us. and holidays, house. what amazing and spectacular memories we have. letters from santa, carving pumpkins, baking thanksgiving turkey’s. all shared with you. watching my children run down your staircase and into the living room, filled with toys, is enough to swell this momma’s heart past capacity. you have given my children the spirit of christmas, and house, that’s all i have ever wanted for them. i want them to believe in the spirit. the good. the amazing things this world has to offer and with your help, they do. house, you have even been there through the bad. the tears. the harder times. and house, you were always what we came home to. even in difficult times. and when those times passed, you were still there. and for that i am forever grateful.

house, i am going to miss your big backyard and watching my babies swing on your swing-set. playing soccer and basketball on the patio. i’m going to miss your big front porch. many nights were spent sitting with croup babies in the wee hours of the chilly mornings. i’m going to miss the cool breeze blowing through your high ceilings in the spring time. the smell of fresh rain. i’m going to miss even the squeaky old floors. for being 103 years old, you held up really well, house. i loved your charm more than you will ever know. i was proud to call you my house. i was proud to show you off. thank you, house, for being amazing. for being perfect. for just holding my family tight in your four walls. we’ve had such an incredible 8 years, house.

and house, you are a home. and i hope that you will forever be a home to someone else. and i hope they never, ever for one single second take you for granted.

it’s been fun and as sad as i am to let you go, i know that this chapter is now closed and i have such amazing memories to take with me.

four.

dear parker,

i’m not really sure where to begin. as i sit here thinking about what just to say you are sitting across from me watching ninja turtles and carrying on and on to yourself. something about nun-chucks and turtle power. your imagination boggles my brain. i have no idea where you get it from. your personality is like none other truly.

and today, today you are four. and today, today i am heartbroken.

i have no idea where the last four years have gone, but i know they are going too quickly. and i begin to think how quickly the next four will go. and the four after that. and the four after that. your sweet innocence. your outspoken honesty. your very, very loud mouth. the sound of your little giggle. one day i will look back and miss it all. i adore you little man. the sweet way you walk into our bedroom and say good morning. the way you look at me and say please. the way your little fingers twirl my hair at any given chance. and while i know we have rough days, i wouldn’t trade anything for the world. i’m sure a day will come when i actually miss the sound of you arguing with your brother over toys. but until then i’m begging you to stop growing up. please. because the day we discovered i was pregnant feels like it were only yesterday. sadly though, that day was almost five years ago. and on this day, for years ago, i will never ever forget when your eyes met mine for the first time. you were mine. i was yours. and i loved you with every fiber of my being. and i still do. and if it’s humanly possible i love you more with each passing day. you are amazing, parker. you have given our lives so much meaning and definition. and while i look forward to your future and all the amazing things i know you will do, and accomplish and be – i can’t help but to be a teenie tiny bit selfish in hopes that you would stop growing up. stay little. stay innocent. stay naive to the world around you. because parker, you are perfect just the way you are. i love your sweet disposition. the way your little arms wrap perfectly around my neck. your mischievous little grin. the way you wear your ball cap to the side.

so today, on your fourth birthday, i wish you nothing but a bright future filled with good and happiness. i promise to always give you the world. i promise to always protect you. i promise, that even on our worst days, to always love you. to always kiss you goodnight. to always, always be your mommy. i love you parker. i love you more than you will ever, ever know.

pretzels and rarebit.

after an episode of triple d, doug has been craving (CRAVING) pretzel bread and rarebit. what kind of wife would i be if i denied him of such treats? so, on this cold and snowy sunday i decided to attempt pretzel bread and rarebit. and ya know, it’s good. like really good. seriously incredible, people. so, if you want to make your own then here’s how it goes.

ok. side-note. the pretzel bread takes time. seriously. this is not a 30 min process. it takes time. i advise picking out a nice lazy sunday for yourselves and starting early.

pretzel bread:

3/4 cup warm water
one packet of active dry yeast
1 tbsp white sugar
1 1/4 tsp salt
1 tbsp canola oil
1 egg
2-3 cups of flour
4 quarts of water
1/2 cup baking soda
1/2 cup brown sugar
corn meal for dusting
kosher salt

egg wash:

1 egg yolk
1 tbsp cold water
1/4 tsp sugar
1/4 tsp salt

directions:

add warm water, 1 tbsp sugar and 1 packet of yeast into large bowl. whisk. let rest 10 min. after 10 min the yeast should have activated. it will look expanded and foamy. whisk in canola oil, salt, egg and beat. then add flour by the 1/2 cup. stir with large spoon. when it becomes too thick to stir, knead. do so until it’s smooth and elastic. not sticky.

once this is finished, remove the dough from the bowl. wash and dry this bowl. take a dab of oil on a papertowel and grease the bowl. place dough back in. knead on one side. flip and knead on the other side. getting both sides lightly coated in oil. place a damp dish towel on top and allow to rise. this will take roughly 1 hour. after 1 hour knead dough and remove all air pockets. cover with damp towel and let rise additional hour (or more – i let mine go for about 2-3 hours).

flour a smooth surface. knead doug on floured surface. divide this dough into 1/2 (we’re making two braided bread loaves – not one). take 1/2 of the dough and knead. then divide into 3 equal sections. each section you will roll into long strands. from there you will simply braid the three sections once you have them rolled out into equal lengths. tuck the ends under so they do not come unravelled. once you do this with both halves, you will place the braided loaves on to a dish towel lined cookie sheet. from there they will continue to rise another 30-45 min.

while this is taking place grab a saucepan/roasting pan. fill with 4 quarts of water and bring to a boil. the pan needs to have an opening big enough for the braided loaves to fit entirely. now. dissolve the baking soda and the brown sugar into the water. be careful – the baking soda will fizz when you add it to the water. once the water is good and boiling you will place one braided loaf into the water – carefully. let float around for about 30-45 seconds, then flip (using a spatula or two) and allow to float around an additional 30-45 seconds on the other side. carefully remove from the water and place back on the towel lined cook sheet. repeat these steps with the other loaf. while the braids are resting, prepare your egg wash.

line a cookie sheet with parchment paper and toss down some cornmeal. these will stick if you’re not careful. so just a heads up.

please the braided loaves on the cookie sheet. dust with a light coating of the egg wash. sprinkle with kosher salt.

preheat over to 350 degrees.

place in oven. set timer for 15 min. after 15 min. remove from oven and dust again with a light coat of egg wash. put back in oven – make sure you rotate the pan for even baking. set timer for additional 20 min. (baking should take between 30-45 min total). you will know it’s done when there is an even dark golden brown across the entire top. also, you can tap the bottom of the bread. if it sounds hollow – it’s done. from there, allow to cool and start your rarebit.

rarebit:

2 tbsp butter
2 tbsp flour
1/3 cup whole milk
1/2 cup beer
1 tsp dry mustard
1/2 tsp paprika
1/4 tsp cayenne
2 dashes of worcestershire
1 1/2 cup sharp cheddar cheese – shredded
1 whole egg yolk

directions:

toss butter into saucepan. melt. slowly. add flour. mix together till golden brown. add 1/3 cup of whole milk. add 1/2 cup of beer. then add dry mustard, cayenne and paprika. and the worcestershire. whisk together till well combined. now add the cheese. keep whisking till all melted and gooey and warm. then add the egg yolk. mix well. that’s it.

 

impromptu.

held an impromptu session with my family over the weekend. sunny and 80 in november doesn’t happen everyday. neither does family pictures. so we took advantage of it.

see the post {HERE} and enjoy.

this and that.

it’s been awhile. sorry. i’ve been swamped with work. speaking of work. i did just purchase a new lens. an amazing new lens. and just in time for halloween. so enjoy just a few random pictures and i promise to write more often.

soccer.

parker just wrapped up his first season of soccer. and he loved it. i mean loved. the kids is a natural, too if i do say so myself. he should be. after all, we do have a goalies net in our living room. oh the things we do for our kids. anyway, yesterday was his sports banquet. a little lunch and awards. parker received his very own medal. now. he wanted a trophy, but after some serious convincing that “medals are way cooler” he finally came to grips with it. and now. now he’s very proud. and so am i. and yes, i cried.

10-17-2012.

you’d never know this kid has croup. nor that he’s doped up on steroids. i love him.

punkin’ pickin’.

what a beautiful day. warm. sunny. clear skies. happy kids. what more could you ask for? then throw in a family outing to a little place called rombach farms for pumpkin picking. i adore this little farm. it’s small. quaint. just perfect. so doug and i took our knuckleheads to pick pumpkins. it’s an annual tradition. this year we picked four. and just wait till you see pictures after we carve them. they are going to. be. good.

a perfect day with my little family of four. i would have spent it no other way.

why i have started to “get in the picture”.

a beautiful woman named jen burgess passed away today. she was a loving mother, amazing photographer, and a beautiful soul. she inspired so many. and it is her story and many others like it that inspires me to get in the picture.

read her story here.

grab the kleenex and watch this video.

now, get in the picture.

10-12-12.

in the picture.

10-11-2012.

in the picture.

oh. and happy half birthday, parker. we love you and have no idea where time is going.

10-10-2012.

in the picture.

in the picture.

as most of you know, i’m a photographer. so i’m behind a lens. a lot. i am also fortunate enough to work from home. which means i am also a stay-at-home mommy. and as you can imagine, running a business and running around after a 3 and 1 year old can be exhausting. actually. exhausting would be an understatement. where i am going with this is that a dear friend sent me this article. and it made me think. and even cry a little. while i know that’s not what my friend intended, it did indeed make me think about how i’m never, ever, or rarely in any pictures with my family. especially my kids. and that makes me sad.

so, where am i you ask?

for starters, i’m a photographer. you got that part though, right? and sometimes the last thing i honestly want to do is pick up a camera when i’m not working. don’t get me wrong, i love my job. i mean, loooooove. but when you hop from session to session and spend any down time you can muster up to do things like editing, emailing, blogging, tagging, writing thank you note’s, returning phone calls, so on and so on the thought of even pulling my canon from it’s bag is the last thing i want to do.

the biggest problem i have with me being in any photos is just that. me. i hate pictures of myself. they only remind me that i hate my hair color. i could afford to lose a few pounds. my skin is pasty and flaky. i don’t wear much make-up. i always have my hair in a messy, knotty, ponytail  because having the time to blow-dry or even fix my hair is few and far between. i am normally wearing the same sweats, sneakers and black pull-over that i always do. i always feel like i am a hot sloppy mess whose body has been “transformed”  by two beautiful pregnancies and that getting older is indeed hard. things sag. wrinkles are forming. my once long and beautiful hair is brittle and falling out like crazy causing my shower drain to clog over and over and over. which reminds me, i need to grab drain-o tomorrow. there is no cream, serum, or potion that will rid me of under eye circles. my legs haven’t been shaved in a week. the last thing i (ever) feel is sexy. even despite what my husband says. and if you could smell pictures, you’d know that i might have forgotten to shower and brush my teeth today because sleeping till 7:00am was way more appealing quite honestly. it’s hard to admit body issues. but i, like many (all) women, have them. a lot of them. and like many (all) women, the way i see myself is not the way others do. why in god’s name is that?

so that, that is why you hardly see me in front of the camera.

but today that is going to change. because after reading this article i realized that i’m not going to be around forever and my boys need to remember their mommy. the mommy that i am today. the mommy that stays home and plays with them all day. the mommy who decorated the house for halloween with blinking lights and candy jars everywhere. the mommy who will always have holiday traditions until they have babies of their own. the mommy who sleeps with them when they are sick. the mommy that takes them to the zoo on a whim. the mommy that loves and adores every single thing about them. the mommy who lives each and every single day with them and for them. the mommy of right now. i want them to remember me. all of me. because my babies don’t care about wrinkles and stained yoga pants. they don’t care about wrinkled t-shirts or chipped fingernail polish. they especially don’t care about the hole in my sock or that i forgot to apply mascara. they care about snuggling in bed and sharing cookies. they care about singing at the top of our lungs to our favorite jake owen song. they care about things like octopus shaped balloons, or our impromptu vacation at the great wolf lodge, or the time(s) we went to toys r us just because. what they care about is me. their beautiful mommy.

lastly, my favorite quote (along with the stellar article i shared above) has inspired me to practice what i preach –

“photography is a way of feeling, touching, of loving. what you have caught on film is captured forever. it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything.”

now go. make memories. get in the picture.

glow run 2012.

we did the glow run over the weekend. um. beyond fun. we took the boys. dressed in our best neon apparel. joined the sea of other crazy and colorful individuals. and at 7:15p we ran the streets of downtown lighting the way with our glow sticks, glow wigs, glow makeup. glow everything. it was awesome. my boys had a great time just taking it all in. the best part – they each got a finishers medal. that obviously made parker’s entire night. after all, he did “win” the race.

celebration.

we hosted carter’s party on a saturday afternoon. on his actual birthday. lucky kid. i wanted to do a carnival theme without the carnival. so. all you can eat snow cones, popcorn, pixie sticks, suckers, sugar, sugar, sugar. mother of the year right here. and we were so blessed to have all of our family and friends here to celebrate. we gathered round, sang happy birthday (i cried) and watched as my baby devoured his smash cake.

what an incredible day we had. so much fun. so much laughter. so many people coming together for one special little man’s birthday. thank you to all who shared it with us. we love each and every single one of you. and carter, happy birthday. we adore you more than you will ever know.

one.

dear carter,

today you turn one. i’ll never forget the day you came into my life. the moment we locked eyes you took my breath away. and from that day i have loved you more and more with each passing moment. and now here we are. one year later. one year. 365 days. it’s gone so quickly. it’s true when they say you look back and you don’t remember the sleepless nights, the fevers, the runny noses. but when i look back i remember every single laugh, smile, and milestone. i adore you. it’s just that simple. you came into our lives and have continued to fill it with endless amounts of happiness. you have completed our family of four. thank you for loving us. thank you for filling my heart past it’s capacity. thank you for accepting me, flaws and all. most of all, thank you for picking me to be your mommy. one whole year. one. it’s gone by so quickly little man. just do mommy a favor and stop growing up. her heart simply just cannot take it.

happy birthday to my baby. i love you more than you will ever know.

-mommy

usaf marathon.

i never, ever, EVER thought i would want to, say i would, or attempt to run a marathon. i never, ever, EVER thought i would actually cross the finish line at one, either. but this weekend. well. i did. and not only did i cross the finish line, but so did my incredible, loving, inspiring, strong as a rock husband. oh. and parker, too.

we decided some time ago we would set out to do a marathon. why? who in god’s name knows. it always sounds like a good thing at the time. it sounds cool. like, “hey, i’m going to run a marathon in september.” then september comes. then the weekend of the event comes. then the morning of the event comes. and moments before the bell sounded i remember thinking, “oh lord please just let me cross that finish line. pleeeaaassseee.” i knew deep down i could do it, but in all honesty i surprised myself. i think i even surprised doug, too. he says he knew i could do it, but i i didn’t. i was so afraid of letting him down. letting my kids down. my family. myself.

the bell let out a loud whistle and we were off. surprisingly i felt great. i was at mile 5 before i knew it. then mile 8. then mile 11. 12. and there it was, the finish line. then i felt it. a snap. like a rubber band. in my left leg. i looked at doug and winced. whatever it was, it hurt. so we walked for a few minutes, but i was so close i could taste it. and i swear i could see parker and carter cheering me on. i think i may have teared up a bit, too. i know, i know. i’m a sap. so i sucked it up and we were off. doug and i were in the home stretch. they had the entire finish line flanked with these large jets. just lined up. running under the wings of history. it was incredible. then i hear it “i see parker!” i look over and there are my babies who are held so proudly by doug’s parents. cheering us on. that’s all i needed to get me through. i scooped up parker and we ran. hand in hand in hand. we crossed that finish line together. parker was so excited. his face lit up like christmas. he was laughing. people were clapping for him. cheering for us. this. this is what got me through the last 13.1 miles. the last 2.5 hours. this. this moment. i had done it. we had done it. it was amazing.

what an incredible weekend in ohio. would i do it again? not tomorrow. but yes, again. i will definitely do it again.

i’m a triathlete’s wife.

last weekend doug and i made our way up to chicago with the boys. doug was going to be participating in his first triathlon. talk about impressive. i’ve watched my husband train for months and months and months. seriously. a long time. and finally the time had come.

we loaded the kids up at 6am and were on our way. we landed in chicago right around lunch time. so of course we walked down to al’s beef. um. delish. the rest of the weekend we just wandered in and out of stores. shop. eat. shop. eat. so on and so on.

the day was upon us. doug woke up and made his way down to lakeshore drive at 4am. myself and the boys were soon to follow around 7am. we made it just in time to wish daddy good luck and give hugs and kisses. before i knew it the horn sounded and he was off. we followed along side the lake watching him swim. cheering him on. once done we waited for him and as he came out of the water we exchanged high-fives and went to the next transition. he was on the bike and gone for about an hour. next thing i know we see him running our way. he looked incredible and had a huge smile on his face. he was doing great. some more high-five’s and lots of cheering was exchanged, then we made our way to the finish line to wait. i’ll admit. i cried a little. i’m so proud of him. as i walked up to the finish line i looked around. i was surrounded by 20,000 people. it was an incredible vibe. we snagged a spot right on the finish line and waited. then we saw him. he did it. he looked over at us cheering him on and i saw a huge smile come across his face. he had done it. i can’t even begin to imagine how he felt. but i know what i felt. proud.

1 mile swim
26 mile bike
6.2 mile run

3 hours 17 min

babe, congrats. you did it. you can cross it off the bucket list. we are so proud of you and you should be so proud of yourself. you worked hard. trained hard. you deserve this. congrats a million times over, shugs!

gymnastics.

parker graduated gymnastics last night. another big sniff sniff. gosh. it’s hard watching him grow up. before class even started i teard up a little thinking about it. sigh. he loved this class. and the teachers. saints. the amount of patience these kind women have is beyond me. we now practice flips and balancing and hanging from just about anything at home all the time. i’m so proud of him. he’s getting so big so fast. seems only like yesterday when my eyes met his for the first time ever.

swimming school.

parker just graduated swimming school last night. sniff. sniff. i’m so proud of him. he adored each and every second of it and might i add he not once had to sit in timeout. that’s impressive in itself. i cannot thank miss amanda enough for the love, support and endless amount of patience she gave to my child. i can’t wait for class to start back up. until then, enjoy some photos of my little guppy.

ozarks or bust.

last weekend doug and i took the kids to the ozarks. my aunt and uncle own a beautiful home there. so they invited us to bring the kids down to play. and play we did. what a wonderful weekend. sun. water. and great, great company. parker is my water baby and this weekend was no exception. he strapped on his life jacket, hopped on that jet-ski and drove it like a pro. it was nice spending the weekend with my family. i grew up on the lake when i was kid. so it was great driving through town and seeing some of the old stomping grounds. it’s been years and years since i’ve last been. lots of great memories there. i can only hope to make more.

what a wonderful weekend. thank you a million times over to my family for opening their hearts and homes. we had an incredible time.

and i quote.

parker: “i just tooted my hiney, mommy!”

me: “that’s great, baby.”

parker: “do you smell it?”

and i quote.

parker: “that’s freakin’ neat”

oh. pinterest. how i love thee.

made these yesterday. they hang beautifully in my kitchen near my window. and all for about 10 bucks. now, we just wait.

and i quote.

me: “parker, i wish you would stop growing up. can’t you stay three forever?”

parker: “sure mommy. now go shower.”

and i quote.

parker: “f*cking drive! don’t they see the green arrow, mommy?”

st. george island.

a few weeks ago doug and i went on vacation with dear friends of ours. it was much needed. and while i did cry for most of the ride there because i was leaving my babies for 8 whole days, i was secretly excited to have some adult time. no alarm clocks. no diapers. nothing. just the sound of the waves hitting the shore each morning and ice cold beers to be had. we stayed in a beautiful home. 4 bedrooms 4.5 bath. balconies at every turn. in ground pool. hot tub. this home was stocked. you could literally bring clothes and not need a thing more. oh. and the ocean – yep – right there. 100 feet away. i could get used to this life. waking up and going for a run. watching the dolphins jump from beneath the surface. the massive amount of seagulls. oh. and the food. lord in heaven. talk about incredible. shrimp po’ boys that consisted of same day caught shrimp. all you can eat crab. good lord i don’t know how i managed to escape without gaining an ounce.

what an incredible trip. i’m looking forward to going back one day soon and taking my babies. the thought of them playing in the water, building sandcastles, and their little tan lines is enough to make me swoon. we made some pretty incredible memories with some incredible people and i look forward to doing it again in the near future.

enough jabbering. i’ll let the pictures do the talking. if you want to see more – go {here} for the rest.

cheerio.

well. carter loves cheerio’s. he eats them quite a bit these days. maybe it’s the crunchy on his new teeth. maybe it’s the peanut butter flavor. but i would imagine anything is better than smushy baby food.

church. church. and more church.

last weekend my nephew brodie had his first communion. see. brodie is the first of 5 grand babies. he is the little man that has paved the way for the rest of the rottens. he’s teaching them all the ropes of suckering grandma and grandpa into just about anything. including m&m’s for lunch. and the next day was ralph’s baptism. ralph is the newest baby. #5. he’s very sweet, very small, and very quiet. i just love him. what a wonderful weekend full of celebration, tears (of happiness) and making memories to cherish.

enjoy. see them all here.

playdate.

what a better way to spend a rainy friday than to have your best buddy over.

parker and hunter are about 3 weeks apart in age. and after about 4 hours of this playmate it made me grateful that i didn’t have twins. holy wow. they are both balls of energy. independent. outspoken. and so.much.fun. these two knuckleheads ran and ran and ran and ran. they played with each and every toy we own. they laughed. they wrestled. they ate lunch. they might have even snuck some candy. but the bottom line. they had fun. hunter, you are welcome anytime in my home. parker is still talking about how much fun he had.